No more "sugar and spice"There used to be a time when girls fought with words, over words. Those times, educators say, have changed. When girls are aggressive, fights don't always escalate to physical violence. However, when girls do fight physically, their fights are often worse than disputes between their male peers.
Northwood (MD) High School Principal Henry Johnson has seen this phenomenon first-hand. When boys fight, Johnson says, they tend to ‘‘get a few licks in," then they are pulled away from each other by friends or administrators. Afterwards, they get over it. But when girls fight, it often takes greater measures to break up the dispute, and the young women often carry a grudge for days or weeks after, Johnson observed. ‘‘They don't let it drop as much as boys do."
Youths with low self-esteem sometimes may find it harder to walk away from conflict, Meredith Hooker writes in a report. Girls with higher self-esteem are less likely to engage in bullying and aggressive behavior, Johnson said. She adds that girls who do bully tend to gravitate toward each other.
Read Hooker's story on Gazette.Net, entitled the Not 'sugar and spice' any more.
Tags: Education, Student Behavior, Students, School Violence, Bullying, Education by Sistrunk
7 comments:
Malik, you are right. Guys fight and get over it. With girls, it's a different story.
Even though I'm female, most of my best friends tend to be guys. I think that I realized even in high school that I wasn't into the viciousness and cattiness that many females are into.
I grew up as the only girl in my family. My youngest child is the only girl, and I have learned a lot about young females in raising her. I do think girls as a group are meaner than they used to be.
Research seems to bear out that girls are just as capable as being bullies as boys. The aggression may just take on different characteristics. However, the end result is the same.
Many schools are now addressing aggressive behavior by girls. Character education and strong school safety programs are two ways in which schools are tackling this problem. Since federal laws such as the Safe Schools Act and No Child Left Behind address school violence, many educators have stepped up efforts to eliminate aggressive behaviors.
Studies by Northwest Regional Education Laboratory (NWREL) reveal that girls tend to bully in groups. Last year, I made the decision to pull my daughter out of a high school, in part, because she experienced an entire year of bullying by a large group of girls. These girls had developed a mob mentality. I call it "mean girl syndrome." It got to the point that my daughter was being harassed by people whose names she didn't even know.
Even though I worked with the school guidance counselor and principals to put a stop to this, my daughter had a miserable experience. The stress caused her to lose weight. She had numerous girls threatening her. She didn't want to "tell" because she thought it would make matters worse. And she had principals reminding her of the zero tolerance policy toward fighting.
My daughter finished out the school year in the alternative school because she finally snapped and got into a fight. My child is 5'2" and a size 3. It took two male principals to restrain her. I was a very frustrated mom.
I am reminded of the 2003 hazing incident in Glenbrook, IL. It involved an affluent high school just outside of Chicago. The incident happened at a powder-puff football game between junior and senior girls. The juniors were forced to sit huddled on the ground while seniors tortured them — dousing them in feces, urine, toxic paint, pig intestines, fish guts and blood.
This incident received national news coverage. If you didn't hear about it, or need your memory refreshed, click here.
Someone videotaped what happened and the pictures made national news. The video was disturbing enough. But what was equally horrifying to me were some of the comments that some girls made afterwards. They said they didn't understand why everyone was making such a big deal of this incident. One girl sneered, "So what if a girl gets her head cracked open?"
I studied this particular case from two perspectives - as someone who worked in character education and as a media practitioner. In fact, I worked with a TV reporter in St. Louis on this issue. It resulted in a "Cover Story" report.
Here are some resources for folks who may want to read more about aggressive behavior among girls:
Girls Bullying Girls
When Girls Are Bullies
Bullying girls who make lives a misery
Have you experienced or witnessed aggressive behavior by girls? If so, please share your story.
Jaimie, thank you for sharing your experience. I strongly believe that jealously was at the root of what my daughter experienced. My daughter tried to resolve issues with these girls on her own, but her efforts were met with even more hostility.
Like you, my daughter is not a fighter. She had never been in a fight until she snapped. I told school officials that I think it was to her credit that she took so much harassment for so long. She managed to keep her grades up. But it's hard seeing your child miserable.
My daughter is much happier at her current school. She no longer has to deal with the drama. But you know what? The kids at her old school are still talking about her. My daughter knows this because a couple of girls have had the audacity to call our house! Amazing.
I look forward to seeing how you recall some of your experiences on your blog. I have encouraged my daughter to write about her own experiences. Perhaps she will one day.
Your daughter has a good mom who will always protect her. If I were you, I wouldn't worry. I am sure she will be just fine because you will prepare her to handle anything.
I don't think I'll ever understand why some girls are so mean. The same goes for my daughter. It is simply beyond our comprehension.
Malik, I think you make a very valid point when it comes to the parents. Children model the behaviors they learn at home. And you are so right about adults having their BS detectors finely tuned!
As you mention, character education teaches values, such as integrity, respect, caring and responsbility. When it is effectively intergrated into the curriculum - as a collaborative effort of school, home and community - schools see fewer instances of discipline problems. Instead, they see students with higher self-esteem. This makes for an environment more conducive to learning. As a result, educators also report improved student performance.
Reading your comments also made me think about what I've heard kids say about adults. Kids know when teachers and parents respect them and when they don't.
In addition, I have heard teachers say that when they start teaching character education, it makes them think about their own behavior - how they treat the students and their peers.
Malik, I may draft you and Jaimie as my consultants on this topic! Thanks for such well-articulated comments.
Ms. Maybelline, welcome! Feel free to visit at any time. I will link to you as well.
For readers who would like to check out Ms. Maybelline's forum, go to Teachable Moments.
Wow...I'm in the process of writing an Article for Baggage Reclaim about how women treat each other... I know that people see me as the resident blog misandrist, but recently, I've been shocked and sickened by my own gender...
Hey DCS, Can I add a link?
Sure, NYM! I was about to ask you the same. Just count me as another one of your fans. By the way, I'll be looking forward to reading that story on baggage claims.
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